The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
