Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
