I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
