i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
