I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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