So drunk its hurt
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
