All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So. Much. Porn.
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