You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
