I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
