his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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