i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
