I want to make a zoo with you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
