FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
