does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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