They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
