shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
