ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
