wakey wakey hands off snakey
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
