Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
