two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
