the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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