I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
