peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
