Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
