I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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