I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
