Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
