from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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