does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need a beard to bite.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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