I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
