just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
