I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
