they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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