I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
