I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
