uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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