She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
