So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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