I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
