Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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