I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
