He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
