Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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