Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
