I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
