Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
