Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
