I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
