I wannas sexs uuuuu
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
