Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
