I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Can Purell be used as lube?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize