i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
