Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
