Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
