Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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