the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
