sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
