I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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