Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
