Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
