we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
