But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
