I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
