Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
