there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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