i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I want to be your penis for a week.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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