The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
As shirtless as possible
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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