you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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