I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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