not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
