I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
