This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
