I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
