I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
