i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
whose ass print is on the piano?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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