soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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