my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hippo gnu deer
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
