Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
