She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
