Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
