Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
