how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
