Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
