I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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