i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
