How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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